Dog Asks God

TO: GOD
FROM: THE DOG

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the "Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs and less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog:

1. I will not eat the cats food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
   
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
   
3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although they are tasty.
   
4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
   
5. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
   
6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
   
7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
   
8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.
   
9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dads underwear when hes on the toilet.
   
10. Sticking my nose into someones crotch is an unacceptable way of saying hello.
    
11. I dont need to suddenly stand straight up when Im under the coffee table.
    
12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house -- not after.
    
13. I will not throw up in the car.
    
14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
    
15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.
    
16. The cat is not a squeaky toy -- so when I play with him and he makes that noise, its usually not a good thing.
    
17. Why do humans only have 10 Commandments and dogs have 16?

And, finally, my last question...

Dear God: When I get to Heaven, may I have my testicles back?




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